When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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