Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I intend to get homeless drunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
