she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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