a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he fucked my hip out of place.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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