before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
