i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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