well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
