So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
