College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
