im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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