Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
