we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize