i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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