____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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