that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
