So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize