There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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