I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
