Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
