I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
