I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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