IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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