Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
