think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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