Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
