Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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