Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
