those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
