Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
