non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
