the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
