Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
