we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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