So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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