My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
