Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
