You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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