the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
