CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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