it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
