he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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