Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
