Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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