I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
