I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize