whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
