And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
