I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
