I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
