Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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