It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
