Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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