I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
