i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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