after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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