everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
