And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
