this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
