I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
