Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
