I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
