Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
