maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
