Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
