billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
