Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize