At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
