i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
