i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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