Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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