May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
