He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
