nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
