I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
