The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
