Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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