the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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