Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
