When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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