I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
