I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
