I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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