You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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