Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
