Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
