Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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