White coat. Heels.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
