There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
