i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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