I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
