Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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