dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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