He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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