After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
