Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
