I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
