I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
